Mahatma Gandhi

Fights and Arguments

Fighting in the family:

Fighting add spice to the married life; no one can live on smiles, love and hugs all through their lives.Fight in the family When you are an individual and holds an independent view on things, is capable of making your own decisions and you are living with an individual who has got his own way of approach to life; well, it’s natural that clash arises when one refuse to see the other’s point of view on things and situations.

Rather fighting is the most natural thing that happens in any household: whether it is with your parents, life partner, children and other family members, fighting do happen.

There are two ways of handling the situation. Either, you fight to win or you fight to find a common solution to the issue in hand.

By fighting to win, you really are fighting to loose. By hurting your partner or your family members time and again, you may win the fight, but you will loose the battle!

Fighting with the others:

Unlike in marriage and with the other members of the family, the fight with the outside world needs less caution and more spirit in fighting. Or is it so?

Fighting with any one, whether it is with someone from within the family or with someone from outside the family, invariably leaves a bitter taste on the minds of the involved parties.
Fighting should have a component of dignity in it; it should not become a time-pass factor to the others like watching a street play or an opera!

Certain tips are given below with the main purpose of managing the fighting in your  life:

 TIPS

1. Fighting is momentary: Always remember that the fighting is momentary .There is always an underlying reason for the fight to happen, which generally doesn’t surface into the argument due to one reason or the other; describe your emotions clearly, instead of fighting back and forth without getting into the real cause of the fight.

2. Don’t drag the past into the present: Do not drag the past fighting details into the present fight.Stress Keep your focus on finding the solution ‘only’ for the present situation.

3. Don’t play the blame game: Don’t use the blanket blame phrases like, ‘you are insensitive, irresponsible, impossible; ‘you are always like this’, ‘you don’t help me at all’ and ‘you don’t stand by me’ etc.

If you are emotionally hurt, talk about your emotions and not about the other person’s personality or attributes.

4. Forward and Accept Suggestions: Suggest to your partner a solution for the cause of the fight and listen carefully to his suggestion on the solution from his side.

Try to find a mid-way that would suit both of you to end the fight smoothly. It should never be either your way or highway sort of the thing!

5. Show respect to your partner: Do not start listing out the weaknesses of your partner while fighting. That would intensify the fighting and would increase the mutual hurt. Apologize instantly if you are in the wrong and mend the relationship immediately.

6. Listen to his inner cry: Sometimes, fighting starts not because of the present situation, but because it triggers up some unwanted hurt or anger from the past. Listen to the inner cry of your partner and find a solution to his past hurts.

7. Appropriate timing: Fight should never be started at the time when your partner is getting ready for the office, working on some projects, is about to retire for the night; while the guests are staying at your home or in front of your children. You should be sensitive to the timing of the fight.

8. Certain important don’t while fighting: Don’t yell at your partnerFights and argument

Don’t use words like always, never, hopeless, fit for nothing, can’t expect anything from you etc.

Don’t indulge in character assassination

Don’t assume you are on the right without knowing the full facts

Don’t use below the belt tactics

Don’t compare the person with the others and insult him

Don’t assume an aggressive body posture

Don’t mention the word, “Divorce” while fighting with your life partner.

Don’t sulk or stop talking once the fight is over

9. Conquer and Last Word: Fighting is not a country to be conquered and it is not necessary that you should have the last word in the fight before storming out of the room or slamming down the receiver.

Show maturity and walk away with a purpose of bringing in some water to your partner or putting away the phone simply because you want to give some cool off space between both of you.

FAQS

Q. I and my husband fights over everything; right from the remote control of the TVfamily fights till the upbringing of our children. We can never converse after the first five minutes. We only fight and I feel bad and would like to end our way of fighting on every little thing. How to go about this?

  • There seems to be an underlining conflict in your fights. It could be an emotional hurt, anger or any other unresolved issue from your pasts that comes out so negatively in your daily life and in your mutual dealings.
  •  You need to dig deep into your consciousness and should find out the real reason for the constant imbalance in your relationship. Try to adjust wherever possible. Give him space and listen to his inner cries.
  •  It’s better to take the help of a trained professional to resolve your mutual emotional issues.


Smita’s Advice

Don’t fight with vengeance; don’t fight to win. You should fight only to find an amicable solution for the problem at hand, because fighting is momentary and the relationships are forever!

Learn to argue effectively and listen actively.

Always remember:

“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.”

-      Mahatma Gandhi

 Smita Recommend

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Self Defence

 

…when a woman is assaulted she may not stoop to think in terms of himsa or ahimsa.

Her primary duty is self-protection. She is at liberty to employ every method or means that come to her mind in order to defend her honour. God has given her nails and teeth. She must use them with all her strength and, if need be, die in the effort…”
-Mahatma Gandhi

Every woman should understand the value of such an advice. Not just the message, but the ways and means of defending themselves too. Remember, when you are on self defence you have every right to defend yourself.self defence technique

Prevention of danger is also a form of self defence:

1.Do not take the risk of walking alone after dark.

2.Let somebody walk you to your car after dark, whether it is at work or after a party etc.

3.Your car should always be parked in light or in well lit areas.

4.Have a look at your surroundings and be alert both mentally and physically.

5.Always be in touch with your family, inform them of your whereabouts, when your office timings are over, when you start your car, when you will visit someone’s place, when you are at shopping etc.

6.Do not venture out into the bad neighbourhood areas alone.

7.Do not use devices with headphones (walkman, iPod, etc..) When you are in remote areas.

Here are some of the best self defense tips for women:

TIPS

 

•Just Shout: The first thing you should do when someone attacks you is to shout with all your strength or shout “Police” to attract the attention of the others.

•Change anything into a weapon: Like Mahatma Gandhi said use your teeth and nail to save yourself from the attacker; rather anything you carry with you should become your weapon, like your handbag, your lunch box, your shoes, your hair pin, your bangles, your umbrella, your books, just anything!

Pepper Spray: Always keep a pepper spray in your bag or even deodorants. You can spray this directly into the Peper Sprayaggressor’s eyes, temporarily blinding them. This will give you enough time to get away and hide somewhere. The use of pepper spray is also legal in a lot of countries.

•The moment of attack: The first few minutes of the attack are the most important time to save yourself. The attacker will never expect you to be brave enough to fight him. He would expect you to get paralyzed with fear and would obey him frightened. Just do the opposite. Fight with all your might and hurt him however you may.

•Self defence tactics: Learn the self defence tactics and learn martial arts if you may. Use all the tactics you know against the attacker.

•Knowledge of Location: Understand the general map of your city, locality or of any place you may visit. It would always be helpful when in need.

•Note the registration Number: If you shall have to take a taxi or an auto after dark, jot down the registration number of the vehicle and sms to your family.

•At Home:If a stranger tries to attack you when you are alone in your house, run into the kitchen.You alone know where the chili power and turmeric are kept. And where the knives and plates are. All these can be turned into deadly weapons.

•In Lift: If you need to reach the 13th floor, press all or alternate buttons up to your destination. No one will dare attack you in a lift that stops on every floor.

•When Dating: If you are dating someone for the first time, trust your instincts about him. Observe your date and be alert on his negative body language. If you feel uneasy or uncomfortable with him, get out from there giving some excuses. Even a visit to the restroom would be an adequate statement

FAQS

Q. My work involves a lot of travelling within the city and meeting new people on self defence equipment business and reaching home at quite late hours. How to safeguard myself?

1.Enrol yourself in a self defence course, if not already done so. Martial art course, if your time permits.
2.Buy a couple of safety gadgets like cell phone stun gun, pepper spray, personal alarm etc and always keep them handy in your bag.
3.Be a professional and once the meet is over, take leave of your prospective clients immediately, especially after dark.
4.Take the help of your trustworthy colleague to drop you at your car, after dark.
5.Keep in touch with your family from time to time and if not, with a trusted friend.
6.Above all, exercise your common sense on the troubled spot and ESCAPE.

 Q. What if the taxi or Auto driver takes a turns into a street he is not supposed to – and you feel you are entering a danger zone?

Use the handle of your purse or your stole to wrap around his neck and pull him back. Within seconds, he will feel choked and helpless. Don’t have a purse or a stole? Just pull him back by his collar. The top button of his shirt would then do the same trick.

Smita’s Advice

“Defend yourself under the trying circumstances when your honour and self esteem is in danger”. This the most important message every parent should give to one’s daughter(s).

Self-defence is not about fighting but about protecting yourself.

 

Smita Recommends

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How To: Turn Everyday Objects Into Weapons

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Book-  Self-Defence-Women-Elizabeth-Pennell

 

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